This is a very inspired post.
My grandfather's Birthday is tomorrow, and he has been such a blessing to have in my life. I don't know where I'd be without the support of both him and my grandmother, but he is my very best friend.
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| Dance with my grandfather at my wedding |
Which brings me to how very important it is that grandchildren have a good relationship with their grandparents. neurotypical and non-neurotypical. Research shows that grandchildren look to their grandparents for acceptance and re-assurance during any kind of family disruption. It has also been shown that these relationships can influence a child's emotional and mental health throughout their life, reducing the number of depressive symptoms in adulthood.
This relationship is also beneficial for the grandparent too, showing that it also helps with their emotional and mental health in reducing depressive symptoms, increasing mental sharpness, and strengthening their memory skills.
I often push this relationship for my own kids because my own life has been so shaped by my grandparents.
My grandpa means so much to me. I try to text him often, call, and send him little gifts when I can. I try to go back to NY and see him often too, it's hard to travel with the kids. I don't think I'll ever meet anyone that knows me quite like he does. My grandmother passed away in 2012, but up to that point I called her for everything. If I had a bad day, if I saw something funny, or just to say hi. And I don't think I tell my grandpa enough how much their extra support has saved me. I do suffer with depression and anxiety, and just knowing that I had them around and knowing that no matter what I did in life, they would always love and support me... sometimes that just kept me going. I want my kids to have that kind of relationship too.
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| My dad and Ryan |
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| My dad and Conner |
I think it's definitely harder to be a grandparent of a special needs child. Ryan has seizures and lots of things going on health wise that it can be pretty scary to think of what might go wrong while spending time with him. And I think grandparents of special needs children do also grieve the grandchild that "could have been." But to be a good grandparent to a special needs child all you need is to figure out an activity or routine they would like and do that with them constantly. You have to go into their world and forget about what YOU think should happen.
In addition to that you have to expose yourself to the scary stuff. Ryan has seizures and if you are going to take him overnight you have to have an action plan for if that happens and also have an action plan for his possible elopement, like making sure you have special locks on your doors. Getting to know your grandchild's specific needs can make you a great special needs grandparent.
And just being an attentive parent can help too. Special needs parents don't get respite care as much as they should here in the U.S. The service is limited, but being able to watch the kids for a while so a date night can happen, well that means the world. It lets us recharge because parenting in general can be a lot, so special needs parenting can be overwhelming. The divorce rates are high for special needs parents for this reason.
Just checking in, can be important too. I honestly need to just vent sometimes and have a good cry. I'm a fan of what I call, the ugly car cry, where I put on sad music and cry during my drive home from work, but when I need to really vent, I call a friend, my mom, or my grandfather, who, bless his soul has tried to fill the gaping hole left by the loss of my grandmother. Frequent contact with grandchildren is so important. Hearing your kids talk about their grandparents or to their grandparents is so fun. Conner often tells me stories about his poppy or asks to talk to Mom (which he calls both his grandmothers for some reason lol), and I remember telling my parents about my trips out with my grandparents.
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| Mom and Ryan at my sister's wedding |
Grandpa and Grandma Liddell would take us shopping on weekends and then we would go to the country buffet. I would fill up on hotdogs and fries. I don't remember specifics of what we talked about, but I just remember laughing and smiling so big my face hurt. When we finally would get home we would be so tired, but I don't know if I ever felt more loved. I loved spending the night at their house and playing board games and card games, and then me cheating at those games. Don't let my grandfather fool you either, he totally cheated too.
We would walk through the orchard behind their house and pick apples, my grandmother would make us wear like 8 pairs of pants because she was deathly afraid of us getting ticks. These are the moments I revisit when I'm having a bad day, these are the things that influence the things I do with my own kids. I owe it all to them.
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| Grandpa and Grandma Liddell |
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| Me and Grandma |
Getting to see my Grandparents with my children has meant so much too. My grandfather does well with Ryan and Conner, it honestly makes me so happy that they have gotten to meet. And on that note...
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| Ryan and my grandpa |
Happy Birthday Grandpa! I love you more than you will ever know.
Oh... and GO BILLS!
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